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valmoraTitle: A (Business) Proposition
Rating: PG-13 for implications
Fandom: Bleach
Characters: Nanao; Ukitake/Kyouraku; implied Aizen/Ichimaru
Genre: CRACKFIC. Sorta. Not funny crack.
Disclaimer: KT's, not mine.
Summary: Nanao is, besides a vice-captain, an entrepeneur.
Notes: This was inspired by a conversation between myself and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
yuusei_enigma.
On Thursdays, Nanao always runs a brisk business out of a storage room in the Eighth Division sector. She has a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding identities; as always, she is careful to keep her hands on the magazines she sells and on the money exchanged, with no glances up to see if that's really sweet, demure Koruda from Fifth buying an outdated magazine of tentacle hentai specially imported from the human world, or really Ichimaru-taichou with the pale hands buying the newest edition and always trying to underpay her (she is far too good at maths to be tricked, but whoever-it-is attempts to do so anyway).
And of course, her special business - the expensive one that only her regulars really know about - is a secret. It's maybe only one or two photographs, sealed in a white envelope with a thorough wax seal bearing the logo of her business, a tasteful circle with the number 'thirty-one' in bas-relief inside. Nobody dares ask where those come from.
Well, nobody until now, because obviously her captain has no idea when to shut up.
"Nanao-chan," he begins, standing too close to her, hand on her shoulder in what would be a fatherly gesture except for the tone of his voice, which is all petulantly whiny child, "What are you selling?"
"Photographs," she answers curtly, attempting to ignore him.
He tries again. "Where do you get them?"
"From a camera."
His next question makes her jump and shiver; she is unaccustomed to that low tone to his voice, warm and an undeniably sexual purr. "You like to watch?"
"I have a business arrangement with Ichimaru-taichou and Aizen-taichou," she responds, rather than answer, feeling her face flush despite herself. "That is all."
"Really," he says, and whispers something in her ear that makes her cheeks burn.
"But -" She silences the pending bout of stuttering, taking a breath and managing a strangled, "But Ukitake-taichou! What would he think!"
"I'm sure he would find the idea far more intriguing than I do," her captain says, moving away from her, hand off her shoulder. "Oh, and by the way, last week's special, if Aizen-kun didn't get too very excited and make it particularly bloody."
"Thank you for your business, sir," she says. "I'll be there at midnight. With the camera."
"We'll be waiting," he says, tucking the envelope into one of his sleeves, and leaves her to her business.
Rating: PG-13 for implications
Fandom: Bleach
Characters: Nanao; Ukitake/Kyouraku; implied Aizen/Ichimaru
Genre: CRACKFIC. Sorta. Not funny crack.
Disclaimer: KT's, not mine.
Summary: Nanao is, besides a vice-captain, an entrepeneur.
Notes: This was inspired by a conversation between myself and
yuusei_enigma.On Thursdays, Nanao always runs a brisk business out of a storage room in the Eighth Division sector. She has a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding identities; as always, she is careful to keep her hands on the magazines she sells and on the money exchanged, with no glances up to see if that's really sweet, demure Koruda from Fifth buying an outdated magazine of tentacle hentai specially imported from the human world, or really Ichimaru-taichou with the pale hands buying the newest edition and always trying to underpay her (she is far too good at maths to be tricked, but whoever-it-is attempts to do so anyway).
And of course, her special business - the expensive one that only her regulars really know about - is a secret. It's maybe only one or two photographs, sealed in a white envelope with a thorough wax seal bearing the logo of her business, a tasteful circle with the number 'thirty-one' in bas-relief inside. Nobody dares ask where those come from.
Well, nobody until now, because obviously her captain has no idea when to shut up.
"Nanao-chan," he begins, standing too close to her, hand on her shoulder in what would be a fatherly gesture except for the tone of his voice, which is all petulantly whiny child, "What are you selling?"
"Photographs," she answers curtly, attempting to ignore him.
He tries again. "Where do you get them?"
"From a camera."
His next question makes her jump and shiver; she is unaccustomed to that low tone to his voice, warm and an undeniably sexual purr. "You like to watch?"
"I have a business arrangement with Ichimaru-taichou and Aizen-taichou," she responds, rather than answer, feeling her face flush despite herself. "That is all."
"Really," he says, and whispers something in her ear that makes her cheeks burn.
"But -" She silences the pending bout of stuttering, taking a breath and managing a strangled, "But Ukitake-taichou! What would he think!"
"I'm sure he would find the idea far more intriguing than I do," her captain says, moving away from her, hand off her shoulder. "Oh, and by the way, last week's special, if Aizen-kun didn't get too very excited and make it particularly bloody."
"Thank you for your business, sir," she says. "I'll be there at midnight. With the camera."
"We'll be waiting," he says, tucking the envelope into one of his sleeves, and leaves her to her business.
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:08 am (UTC)*cannot stop LAUGHING HER FRICKING ASS OFF*
I LOVE YOU, VAL. OMG. *too incoherent to say much of anything else*
"Oh, and by the way, last week's special, if Sousuke-chan didn't get too very excited and make it particularly bloody."
So Shunsui likes AiGin, too, eh? XDD
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:21 am (UTC)Yay! Incoherency is good!
So Shunsui likes AiGin, too, eh?
Who wouldn't? XDD He thinks they're very cute together, but nowhere near as cute as Jyuu-chan!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:27 am (UTC)He thinks they're very cute together, but nowhere near as cute as Jyuu-chan!
Very cute.. LMAO. XDD
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:30 am (UTC)*nods* He has a terrible fetish for silver-haired men. XD
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:36 am (UTC)OMG ALKDFNAPWEFNWEPOFWEAJFLDF;AWEKJF28UWQ3;LEKS
*dies on the floor and twitches randomly*
You have NO IDEA how hard that made me laugh XDD Shunsui/Gin CRACK!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:39 am (UTC)*pokes with stick*
NO IDEA how hard that made me laugh
Is it more impressive than the time I laughed while eating curry and got spicy rice up my nose? ^_^
Shunsui/Gin CRACK!
Wriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite iiiiiiiiiiiiiit! =þ
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:41 am (UTC)I agree with you utterly. :D
he is a born show-man
It would certainly increase Nanao's sales. ^_~
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:48 am (UTC)And Ikkaku, and Renji, and Shuuhei, and Aizen, and Matsumoto, and.... you get the idea. XD A very lucrative business indeed.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:49 am (UTC)I am planning on writing a Shunsui and Ukitake fic involving them dressing up as Nanao and Matsumoto and having cosplay sex. Then sending Nanao the pictures.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 03:55 am (UTC)........the crack. So funny. *dies* WRITE IT.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 04:03 am (UTC)AND OMG NOO MUST NOT WRITE. Aizen-taichou will kill me x.x and Jyuushirou will, too ;-;
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 04:06 am (UTC)Oooh! Floor chow! ^_^
Aizen-taichou will kill me x.x and Jyuushirou will, too
Aizen-taichou doesn't care, remember? So long as he still gets his Gin-nookies!
(besides, I'm sure he can seduce Jyuushirou somehow. Or maybe Urahara/Jyuushirou?)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 04:14 am (UTC)(and Jyuushirou would murder Aizen :x you know it. Urahara/Jyuushirou is a yes though!)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 04:18 am (UTC)I feel so sorry for his small blonde following. XD
(Jyuushirou would murder Aizen)
(Absolutely. Hey, if someone wanted to write an Urahara/Jyuushirou with angsting!Shunsui, that would make my day...)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 04:32 am (UTC)XDD The poor things.
if someone wanted to write an Urahara/Jyuushirou with angsting!Shunsui
Don't tempt me!
(pssst, I'm writing Byakuya/Senbonzakura with Kira right now and it's so lovely XDD You'll have to read later)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 04:36 am (UTC)*tempts you with virtual chocolate*
(I will have to read it later! Joy!)
no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 07:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-17 09:08 am (UTC)OMG. For some reason, I can SO see this, omg.
So. When is Nanao going to get that special with Byakuya and Renji? -grins evilly-
no subject
Date: 2006-04-18 03:19 am (UTC)Unfortunately, Byakuya would doubtless view it as an affront to the honor of his family or some such thing. =( But you know Renji could persuade him somehow... ^_~
no subject
Date: 2006-05-17 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-11 08:25 pm (UTC)Nanao the pr0n peddler... it's all gravy!
no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-02-07 10:20 pm (UTC)