valmora: "Monty Python and the Holy Grail": King Arthur abusing a peasant, captioned "Help, help, I'm being repressed!" (repression)
[personal profile] valmora
title: loan fish
fandom: Yukan Club
pairing: side Seishiro/Miroku
rating: pg-13
spoilers: for the episode with Karen's senpai getting married.
warnings: this isn't as funny as it was supposed to be.
disclaimer: not mine, no money made.
notes: "onnayama" is not a mistake.


“Boss,” Meinishiki says, “Yamada at the unagi-ya says he can’t pay. You want we should take some guys, talk to him?”

“No,” Miroku says, standing up from the couch where he’s lounging. “I’ll do it myself.”

Meinishiki winces. “You don’t need to do that, Boss.”

“It’s all right. I think he’ll figure it out.”



The door slides open beneath Miroku’s fingers as he steps into the unagi-ya, senses assailed by the smell of barbeque sauce and rice. Despite his large lunch, he’s hungry suddenly.

He sits down at the counter, and Yamada’s son, who’s serving another customer, looks over at him and blanches, then darts into the kitchen before Yamada himself comes out to talk to him.

“Ah, Shochikubai-san,” Yamada says, eyes flicking nervously over to the other customers before returning to Miroku, “if you’d please come into the kitchen…”

“And some eel,” Miroku says, standing and walking along the counter. “I’m hungry.”

“Of course, of course,” Yamada says, following him into the kitchen, where he fusses some with the stove, checking up on some cooking eel.

Miroku spends a few seconds looking around the kitchen, poking at the rows of hanging pans, the freezers full of food. “You haven’t been paying us, lately. A bit dangerous. Who knows what might happen? All this equipment that we gave you that loan to buy, it’s very beautiful, very useful. Hate to see it all melted down in a fire.”

Yamada, transfixed while eel steams, stares at Miroku. “Ah, you see,” he stammers, “My wife – my wife’s mother is very sick, in Sapporo. And, and, the older daughter. Has a wastrel husband. No money. No job. My wife, me too, we have to pay for her surgery. Too expensive. Couldn’t make the payments – I needed to buy my daughter’s school uniforms for this year, you know how big they grow, and I couldn’t bear to say no – ”

Miroku sniffs, facing the wall, and masters his expression, wiping the tears out of his eyes.

“All right,” he says, “one more month. But double next time!” And then leaves with a box of eel for him to eat.



Seishiro nearly drops his chopsticks, when he hears. “Yamada told you what? His wife’s mother has been dead for ten years; I looked in her registry last month when he told you the same story but about his imaginary sister-in-law.” He sets down his food with a mumble that sounds something like I gave up hospital administration for this idiot? but Miroku really can’t hear very well, so that can’t be right.

“But it’s so sad, and his daughter…” Miroku trails off, feeling the tears pricking at his eyes.

Seishiro slides his dinner sideways, away from him on the table, and shifts his posture so he can lean across the table, tilting Miroku’s chin up. “He was lying,” Seishiro says, “just like last month. It’s all right, I’ll fix things. You’re much too nice, charging him a reasonable rate of interest.” He bends down just a touch, leaning into a kiss, and suddenly dinner and Yamada’s woes are unimportant.



Seishiro is the gang’s accountant. It works out pretty well, because Miroku wouldn’t have wanted to bring down the Kikumasamune General Hospital by having it known that its heir was being dated by the Shirafuji gang’s leader. Seishiro doesn’t seem to mind, and it’s not like he doesn’t see the inside of a hospital often enough, what with the injuries some of their guys get. Miroku tries to keep the fighting to a minimum – everyone knows violence is bad for business – and the gang is expanding, taking over territory as people come over to them. The gang’s going in a good direction, and Seishiro says profits are up.

The Old Boss would be proud of them, if he weren’t busy with his retirement in Hawaii.

And, Miroku has to admit, he has the best of a lot of worlds – he gets to take down bad guys, is getting rich, Onnayama is a happy-fat dog, and Miroku has a handsome man in his life.



The next month, Meinishiki comes into Miroku’s office looking grim.

“Boss,” he says, “Yamada at the unagi-ya says he can’t pay. We’re going to go have a chat with him, yeah?”

“I’ll do it,” Miroku says.



“Shochikubai-san,” Yamada squeaks, when Miroku walks in the door. “Come in, come in, please, to the kitchen.”

Miroku follows him. The knives look newly-sharpened. “You haven’t paid this month,” Miroku says. “And I gave you a special extension last month, because of your mother-in-law.”

“Ah,” Yamada stammers, “ah, but, pardon me, but perhaps Kikumasamune-san was not aware of Shochikubai-san’s generosity, as he condescended to visit this shop and requested the payment last month, and since I miraculously came into some money at the end of the month thanks to a generous customer I paid him, but now I am behind on the payments for my mother-in-law’s surgery…”


Date: 2009-01-07 09:06 pm (UTC)
mec: (Shopopeye)
From: [personal profile] mec
One final comment before I tear myself away from my laptop to avoid my body freezing in position...

Meinishiki winces. “You don’t need to do that, Boss.”

Oh dear...I wonder how many times they've had this exact same conversation? Miroku's underlings love him, I'm sure, but in an exasperated fashion.

Who knows what might happen? All this equipment that we gave you that loan to buy, it’s very beautiful, very useful. Hate to see it all melted down in a fire.”

You go, Miroku! You threaten that low-down, lying...uh, never mind. I know you'll never go through with it, ya big softie...

“He was lying,” Seishiro says, “just like last month.

I think this is probably the line that made me laugh the most. Poor, long-suffering Seishiro. Giving up all that glorious (and legal) paperwork for a lifetime of saving the Shirafujigumi from Miroku's good nature.

Seishiro says profits are up.

Despite Miroku's kindhearted ways. Seishiro is a genius.

and since I miraculously came into some money at the end of the month thanks to a generous customer I paid him

Of course. It's amazing how many people suddenly have generous customers when Seishiro comes to call...

but now I am behind on the payments for my mother-in-law’s surgery…”

Here we go again!


Edited because I say "amazing" too much...
Edited Date: 2009-01-07 09:13 pm (UTC)

Date: 2009-01-07 09:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] valmora.livejournal.com
Giving up all that glorious (and legal) paperwork for a lifetime of saving the Shirafujigumi from Miroku's good nature.
Well, he also gets a minion Miroku in the bargain.

Date: 2009-01-08 07:29 pm (UTC)
mec: (Shopopeye)
From: [personal profile] mec
True. Miroku is worth it. Seishiro never need worry about electrical/mechanical/electronic problems round the house!

Date: 2009-01-08 10:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] valmora.livejournal.com
And between the two of them they probably have enough know-how to make sure they never have to pay taxes and are never robbed.

I wonder if the police know what Miroku does for a living...unless he has a day job? I wonder if Seishiro does...

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