[Code Geass] that reckoned neither sin nor shame (Lelouch, Kallen, PG-13)

[valmora]

Note: I've started using the official English Bandai-endorsed names. Not because I like "Kallen" (I really, truly think it should be "Karen," given that she's half-Britannian), but because eventually the official names win. I also have made the decision in this piece to refer to the island nation in which the series takes places as "Nippon" rather than "Japan". This is because "Nippon" is the official, bureaucratic name for that nation as it refers to itself, and I do not feel that Kallen would use anything else.

Title: that reckoned neither sin nor shame
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Code Geass
Pairing: not, really...hints of Lelouch/Kallen (ish) and Suzaku/Lelouch if you want (I actually meant it to be possible to read that as the deeply intense sort of platonic thing, but given my series OTP's, you can interpret it how you like)
Spoilers: through episode 8 of R2, I believe
Diclaimer: characters not mine, no money made, situation entirely made up for my own enjoyment.

(title is from an unrelated song by Malinky, in their album "The Unseen Hours")




Kallen thinks, for just a moment, that he loves her. Then she wakes up. Lelouch loves nothing but his sister and Nippon. He is mad with despair, his mind elsewhere. His desire - well, he is not the only man who's tried to use sex to drive away his demons. To fill the holes in his heart left by other people. He doesn't want her. He wants to forget.

And she cannot let him forget. He is more than only Lelouch, more than only Zero, to her. He is her commander, her classmate, her friend. She is one of the few who know Zero's true identity and Lelouch's hidden one. She is the only one, likely, who can accept both of his selves, for no Britannian would associate with Zero and no Eleven with the Britannian boy he pretends to be, and Kururugi Suzaku who hates him now with the intensity only love gone bad can create has turned away. Only Kallen can know both Zero and Lelouch and the connection between them, and only Kallen can respect them both.

Respect. Not love. This is too hard a time for love, and anyway, Lelouch is not a lovable creature, made of spines and thorns and poison hidden beneath that wonderful exterior. To love him is to destroy oneself, and Kallen does not want to become like Suzaku, who lost his heart trying to hold to himself in the face of Lelouch and his shadow. Kallen is not as strong as Suzaku. She would only break to his will. And that is one thing she refuses, to break like her mother.

She shall not break. She shall not let him break her. And to be the ground for his despair would do it. She will not be his anchor. He must be his own, and destroy the lights that shine in the darkness of his own mind, for no other creature could do it for him.

So she slaps him, to keep him away because though she cares for Lelouch, serves Zero, respects both of them, she will not give him the satisfaction of being the man to conquer her.

Comments

[ipsius.livejournal.com]

Good work, and an accurate depiction of Kallen's personality. She's definitely someone who I can see putting her cause and her freedom before love.

She is the only one, likely, who can accept both of his selves

I think Kallen forgot C.C. existed. XD

And that is one thing she refuses, to break like her mother.

and

she will not give him the satisfaction of being the man to conquer her.


I love these two lines the best.

[valmora.livejournal.com]

I think Kallen forgot C.C. existed. XD
More likely the author did XD I consider it more of a who-actively-participates-in-both-of-his-lives situation, in which case Kallen and Suzaku really are the only ones; C.C. only really observes Lelouch, as opposed to buddying around with him in school and not having to be kept a secret etc etc.

I'm glad you enjoyed!

[ipsius.livejournal.com]

Yes, C.C. is much more of a bystander than Kallen, and lately, she hasn't been doing anything. Still, she gave Lelouch his geass and saved his life a few times. Either way, she hasn't played as big of a role in R2, so I think the main female character position has shifted to Kallen.

... None of which really has anything to do with anything at all, but lets pretend that it does. >_>